you guys were way drunker than both of me
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
