We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
