Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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