I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Green mimosas i think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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