We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
