I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
That accounts for only three of the penises
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
