he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
