i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
