Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
