Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
