WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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