No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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