Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
