I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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