wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
