Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize