also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
