Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
