Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
