Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
