dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
