The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
