I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize