why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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