So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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