we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
