When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
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Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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