We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.