It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
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You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.