I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
high people should be assigned attendants
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
