I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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