Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
