Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize