theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
