Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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