Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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