Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
