fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize