Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize