no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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