so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
