OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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