Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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