You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
