once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
