I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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