just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
