Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
