I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
