:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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