So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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