Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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