We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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