Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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