i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
